Financial Infidelity Revisited: 7 Tough Questions

[Ginger]

Given the divorce rate of 50%, I often wonder what women are doing when it comes to their money. Women are commanding a higher earning power today than ever in US history. What does this mean for the modern day marriage? Are prenups acceptable? Or do they set the marriage on a path to divorce court? What about equalizing roles in the home when a woman earns 4-5 times more than her male partner?

At our meetup on Friday, (albeit a small turnout due to the weather) we had thought provoking conversation around the issue of financial infidelity. We are reading and reviewing the book, Financial Infidelity: Seven Steps to Conquering the #1 Relationship Wrecker as we await more copies to our group by the publisher. So as we thumbed through the book, the following issues came up:

* If you own property before the marriage, the is that fair game in the divorce? What if you both lived in the property before getting married?
* How do you deposit cash flow from rental property? In a joint account? Individual account? Which one and why?
* If you get married and one partner already owns real estate, then do you add their name to all properties in your portfolio?
* If you marry someone with children from a previous relationship and become a blended family, then are you the non-biological parent responsible for that child’s education? What if they do not live with you and your spouse?
* Do you ask your boyfriend to see his credit report before getting serious? Is that something appropriate to ask before getting married?
* If your mate has tax issues with Uncle Sam, do you file joint or separate?
* You receive an inheritance after you get married, do you deposit this in a joint account? Separate account? Do you tell your mate at all?

I don’t have an answer to these questions just yet as I struggle with my heart, what’s right and what would protect me in the event of a divorce. What would you do? These are tough questions and I’ll answer once I’ve gotten my thoughts together. I am relieved that we were single, unattached with no baggage or major assets when we got married. We both owned property prior to the marriage but they weren’t an issue as we kept those dealings separate. These questions almost force you to get on the defense at a time when you’re supposed to be thinking as one.

I’ve gotta ask: how would you answer the above-mentioned questions?

[Adrienne]

I'll take a stab at things that are most relevant to me, as a single woman who ponders marriage:

* Do you ask your boyfriend to see his credit report before getting serious? Is that something appropriate to ask before getting married? It is absolutely appropriate. As we get serious, I'd observe and inquire as to whether he's happy with his credit score. After engagement, seeing a credit report is fair game. I wouldn't call off the engagement over a bad credit report; however, I'd like to be aware of what I'm getting into. (An equivalent way to think about it: Do you ask your partner about their s.exual health before being s.exual with them? Same concept in dealing with their wealth condition. You want to know what you are getting into).

* If you own property before the marriage, is that fair game in the divorce? What if you both lived in the property before getting married? and * If you get married and one partner already owns real estate, then do you add their name to all properties in your portfolio?
If I own one piece of property (especially if it was my residence prior to marriage), I'd probably keep it in my name only for that *just-in-case* situation. This would not be fair game during the divorce. I'm not a spiteful person....he can keep his primary residence prior to marriage and I'll keep mine. If one of us rented prior to the marriage...that person will rent after the marriage is over, unless we acquired property and we agree upon a decent living situation for the both of us. For rental properties that one spouse owns, I'd want those to become joint properties.